Saturday, February 10, 2007

NEW!!! Ankle Untwister SuperPill!!!

that's exactly what i was looking for last sunday after eatin' it big while bombing down bear mountain on my snowboard on saturday. not that i expected anything other than time and rest would heal my wrecked ankle, but i got to wondering about this while watching the superbowl with jonathan. hear me out on this one.

so we're planted on the coach watching the colts pull away from the hapless bears and eagerly awaiting a new round of superbowl commercials when i start to realize just how many damn advertisements there are now for prescription drugs. flomax. cialis. etc. what happened to the bud bowl! and all those coors commercials with the owner in his ll bean jacket drinking a beer in the rockies? hmmmm...

outside of ethical concerns of making people think they have some sort of problem, i have to admit i find these funny. the flomax one showed a bunch of old dudes high fiving after mountain biking, thanks to having been relieved of the ghastly pain of an enlarged prostate which would have otherwise forced them to take so many bathroom breaks along the way they would have never made it past the neighborhood convenience store. not funny at all, but the list of disclaimers and side affects afterwards that they are forced to announce are priceless!

1 in 100 flomax users develops an intolerance to oxygen

known side effects of flomax include possible teleportation to another astral plane populated by otters that speak like regis philbin

if you stand up too fast after taking flomax, you may spontaneously combust

if you occasionally develop hangnails over a 1/4 centimeter in length, flomax may not be right for you. please consult your physician
and then there's the commercials for the cure to "restless leg" syndrome. oh the horrors of RSL!!! thank god they finely have a solution for addressing the horrible plight of restless leg syndrome. think the marketeers behind this one had any idea that the sloths planted on the couch might have developed "restless" legs? think the reason why they might have "restless leg" syndrome might have something to do with their legs telling them it's time to get off their leaden asses and go someplace other than the fridge?

so, all i'm asking for is this: if you're going to develop and mass market remedies, solve real problems everyone has! just play the numbers: i bet i was one of thousands of people who were sitting there watching the superbowl with a twisted ankle. if i saw a commercial that promised to greatly expedite or even fix twisted ankles, i would have limped out the door in a heartbeat to the nearest pharmacy.

btw, hats off to sprint for their ad on "connectile dysfunction". hilarious stuff. now that, my friend, is good marketing!

1 comment:

Mai said...

hahaaaa! my favorite side effect has gotta be 'intolerance to oxygen'... er, you mean, as in, CAN'T FUCKIN BREATHE?