Tuesday, July 24, 2007

"they tried to make me go to rehab..."

it must have been about 6am today when i was awoke out of my early morning slumber to a sound that reminded me of flying lawnmowers. needless to say i did what any sensible person would do: i rolled over and dreamed about the winged gardeners and airplane-like leaf blowers that would obviously accompany the airborne lawnmowers. judging from jane's tossing back and forth, she was doing the same.

after fully waking up and taking a look out the window, there were 4 helicopters hovering over santa monica near the police station. jane's reasonable explanation was a search and rescue at the nearby beach. closer inspection though showed that the helicopters belonged to the news stations rather than the police or coast guard. so what was going down near the civic center?

turns out it was lindsay lohan, fresh outta 45 day rehab, chasing her personal assistant in her car. apparently, her assistant had quit and was running away from her. lindsay was so distraught by this she decided to give chase and convince her assistant to stay in his/her post. this is the type of thinking that only makes sense when you're high:

ok, my assistant just left me. not good. this would mean i'm picking up my own starbucks for at least a few days while i replace her. i can deal with this, dammit, i'm lindsay lohan. what will really convince my assistant they should stay with me is if i chase her across town in my car. let's see... car keys? check. handbag? check. gram of coke? hmmmm... i really shouldn't but it *is* easier than getting my own coffee for a little pick-me-up. check!

so here's our lovely starlet following her little chase through town. not a bad shot considering some of the mugshots i've seen of other handcuffed stars (remember mel gibson's?) unless there is some grave travesty of justice, lindsay will end up in jail somewhere in LA for at least a short period of time, a la paris hilton. should be good celeb gossip and stupid news fodder for months to come. since i don't watch tv, i'm really fine with this if people find this interesting. the only thing i ask is just keep the helicopters somewhere else so that i can go back to dreaming about extinguishing california wildfires with vats of tapioca pudding and an army of horse-sized gophers.

No comments: